You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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