Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
