dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
