Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
