I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
