WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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