so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
