threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The uberlube is also flammable
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
