oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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