Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Oh god it's open bar.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
