Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
