Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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