Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
