I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
