Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
