I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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