it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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