you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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