I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
