please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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