I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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