can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
