You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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