She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We left an ass print on the piano.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
