there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You left your phone here
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