Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
