i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
