i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize