Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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