I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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