He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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