I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
