can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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