wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
