I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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