That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The air was thick with penises
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
