I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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