He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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