i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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