we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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