imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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