What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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