I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
