this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
