My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
