Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
