Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
