my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
