I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you had me at cake vodka
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
