I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
