Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
did i just pee glitter
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
