And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
