There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
