I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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