I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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