Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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