I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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