Apparently you make a good broom.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
