I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
