It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
